Rai

01:04 am: Aaaaa! Hope!!
I can't believe the American Clean Energy Security Act passed. I cannot believe it! The times have truly changed. The past has been defined by helplessness, brooding over global warming and the failed Kyoto Protocol but for the first time I feel like, maybe there are ACTUAL steps in the right direction, made by the people with the power to actually limit greenhouse emissions and subsidize green technology. It passed without being watered down further. Yesss. Legislators' opinions are actually changing.

This has merited breaking my epic LJ hiatus. Hai guys...I'm so happy right now~ :D

Also, yes, I realize I've fallen off the face of the earth. I promise I'll make an update soon, but I feel like the lack of my incessant rambling has probably given your flists a needed break, too.

11:11 pm: Life.
It feels very different from how it has before.

I don't know how to describe it, other than that I've been really diving into work, and seeing people, and music. I'm teaching myself how to play the piano.

That's mostly it.

Everything feels like a daze.

But I'm overwhelmingly content, and I think it's because everything has this sort of ephemeral quality.

I also have whole grain, gluten free rice crispy treats that me and Stephanie just made.

Nom nom. Work tomorrow. Yay. :)

10:15 am: Ahhh home. :)
Oh beautiful, verdant, dreary Boston, has it really been 9 months since I've seen you last?

It's funny how quickly and easily it all becomes familiar again. Though as of today Massachusetts license plates still make me do a double take. Like huaat are you doing here? o_o; ...o rite.

Aaaand my trip was kind of grueling, but went well overall. Mostly it was my fault cause I stayed up the ENTIRE night previously cleaning and getting everything else out of my apartment, and then the night before the trip consisted of hanging out with Sarah and her dad at a creepy old-people Country bar, and then...chilling at the airport for several hours trying to force myself to stay awake. So...any long flight after two sleepless nights was bound to be a little grueling, since I find airplane + sleep to be impossible.

But then my dad and brother met me right at the airport, as did Justin and Steph who brought me a TARO BUBBLE TEA. :| I could tell it came from Teriyaki House, too. Justin was a sneaky sneak and figured out which my flight was cause I texted him from my layover in NYC. And I died a little inside from their awesome. My sleep-deprived brain nearly couldn't comprehend ^_^; Kya I love my friends.

Today, by contrast, has been pretty chill. I just woke up, apparently the first in my family to do so, even though you'd think my jet lag would work oppositely. However, as foretold, my brother and I have switched rooms, and my brother's old bed = soooo uncomfortable that it took the massive sleep deprivation I had to be able to sleep on it in the first place. Definitely wasn't gonna stick around in it.

And it's really rainy and overcast, but this doesn't bother me for some reason, perhaps cause it's familiar, or perhaps because it's unfamiliar. I'm not really sure. :P

And my dad just got up, so I'm gonna go hang out with him now. Eheheee yay for being home <3

01:23 am: Packing up
Maria generously agreed to keep my bike for the summer, and today I relinquished it to her. I feel strangely grounded without it...I think I have really grown to take for granted the versatility of that vehicle.

My apartment is slowly but surely starting to feel...less like my apartment, and more like an empty room. I just have a couple more things to clean, and a bunch of stuff to get rid of (hopefully to people who will take it and not to the trash)...and then, yeah.

Bedtime naoz. Meeting Ray for lunch at 1 tomorrow, and then starting my final work shift of the semester at 3.

weeee....

06:05 pm: Weee.
So my exams are all over...yeah, already o.O; I really messed up hardcore on Spanish because I didn't think to memorize whether or not geographical entities (specific coastlines, seas, peninsulas, etc) are given capital letters, a single concept that seemed to have disproportionate importance on the exam. And after some investigation, it seems that I guessed wrong. Oh well. Energy went well, though I had been meaning to thank my professor for everything after turning in the final and my brain was so fried from 3 straight hours of exams that I completely forgot. whoops.

So now I just have my presentation for my border colloquium on Monday (which should be a cinch if I don't sleep through it by accident). And I also work tomorrow, Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Then the semester is all over. Dude, I have so much stuff to clean.

I am really enjoying today, though. It's like a bazillion degrees out and I went on a nice long bike ride...am currently oozing into a puddle of my own sweat. 8D I was also gratified to realize that today was payday, so in celebration I went and got coffee at The Raging Sage for what will probably be the final time this semester. And it was so good.

I think that cleaning can commence............sometime that isn't right now >>;

Oh, hiatus is over, inasmuch as I ever really went on one. ^^; Good luck on finals, Arizonans <3 And, really, anyone else who doesn't go to NEU and is therefore in exam session right now :P

04:30 pm: :)
It's 105 degrees out, I have two exams to study for, and for some reason I couldn't be more cheerful.

I think it's cause I actually caught up on sleep for once. :D And as soon as my phone finishes charging I'mma drag my books out out out into the heat and get lunch/dinner and [more] coffee, and study til my brain dissolves. If it doesn't melt in transit, that is.

01:19 am: A word of caution
Okay, this isn't a post I wanted to make, but I feel like I kind of have to now. It concerns swine flu and basic respect.

I know that the whole swine flu panic can seem a little ridiculous, especially considering almost no one has died in the US from the virus (I think two people? I haven't been keeping up with it)...and only a handful have actually been diagnosed. I know it can seem like a whole lot of fuss is being made over nothing. Maybe, to some extent, that is true.
However, I can't even count the amount of times recently I have heard someone say "dude the normal flu virus kills like 30,000 people a year and swine flu has killed like 100 and everyone is freaking out, what gives? it's so stupid."
But what they do not understand is that those 30,000 people per year are almost entirely the elderly and the very young. Swine flu is killing young, healthy people, who never, ever expected their lives to be cut short by *Influenza*. There is a very big difference. It's not like this virus is being monitored carefully for no reason whatsoever.

Which brings me to the respect part. I can understand making fun of something that seems overblown. I can understand making fun of disease and pandemic as a coping mechanism, in an attempt to make light and bury tacit worries and anxiety. I mean, I get it. But I think that the recent trend has gone WAY too far. It is ridiculous how much it has turned into the next internet fad. It was slightly off-putting to me at first, but now I really feel like some lines have been crossed. I'm seeing swine flu LJ icons. I got invited to become a *fan* of swine flu on Facebook.

I mean, are you kidding me? Just because you don't know and perhaps never will know anyone who has died of swine flu doesn't give you the right to treat the issue in such a thoughtless manner. It doesn't give you the right to turn it into a joke. How would you feel if your mother died of swine flu? Or your friend? How would you feel if someone asked you to become a fan of breast cancer on facebook, or a fan of HIV-AIDS? If the 50ish Mexicans who have died of swine flu were instead victims in a terrorist attack, would people make a fan category for it? Would you add yourself as a fan? Even if the numbers of victims seem low, each is a *person*. Someone died. I am increasingly offended by how people seem to just completely forget that, or ignore it entirely. It's not okay to mass-mock other forms of dying (at least, ones in which negligence and foolishness played no part), I don't see why it's suddenly alright to pretend that this disease (or, really, any disease that kills people) isn't serious, when clearly, at least in Mexico, this hasn't been a petty issue.

So I guess, if you're one of those people who really gets a kick out of the whole thing...I can't really tell you to stop. But please, at least, don't make callous jokes in front of me. Don't invite me to become a fan of swine flu. I really, really do not like it.

11:50 pm: From the Tucson Citizen:
My Tucson: Go green, UA, and let the grass die
MELISSA LAMBERTON
Published: 05.05.2009

Campus is a little quieter nowadays. Fountains and water features that normally bubble and splash in corners have been shut down.
Flowers are another victim of budget cuts, wilting in their beds with no prospect of replacement. And the long stretch of grass in front of Old Main, already trampled brown, won't get its annual reseeding.
I'm rejoicing in the change. Water conservation may turn out to be a rare silver lining in the economic storm clouds.
Even as departments disappear and class sizes swell, we have an opportunity to take at least one good thing from this economic crisis.
Fountains hold an odd place in the psychology of Westerners. Just take a look at the marvel of engineering and denial that pumps water into Las Vegas' spouts and geysers. Water features glamorize government buildings in Phoenix and create inviting entryways into new developments on the north side of Tucson.
If you grew up in a rainy place, it might be hard to understand how fountains symbolize wealth and power. Out here, where water is scarce, only the wealthy can afford such extravagant waste.
Flowered landscaping on campus, supposedly, is a good recruitment tool. No fewer than 13 fountains blithely promise prospective students that living way out West isn't really much different from living anywhere else.
Sure, the summer weather is scorching, but you can hardly tell from those glossy brochures. That we live in one of America's driest and most fragile ecosystems is literally washed away.
At the same time, the University of Arizona promotes itself as a top school for water research. The messages are conflicting. We've got programs and professors that far outshine anything you find on the East Coast. So why should we look like an East Coast campus?
Locals and tourists alike know the delicate beauty of a western sky lighting a saguaro's thorns. And the burst of green after a monsoon is all the more precious because it happens so infrequently.
Instead of proudly displaying Arizona's plant life, the university corrals most of its cactuses into a single "cactus garden," mixing natives with exotic oddities.
In reality, we humans are the oddity. Unlike cactus, we've yet to learn how to live with scarcity.
Why not let yucca and agave flourish in those too-expensive flower plots? Or, if greenness is required, let agriculture students fill those corners with native beans and squash, which reward the gift of water with food as well as blossoms.
Our talented art department, I'm sure, can design features to replace fountains that are equally beautiful and much less wasteful. And students from our excellent water harvesting class can reshape the grounds to capture the occasional rains, which provide more than enough water to keep a barrel cactus fat and blooming.
The university doesn't just gain a small savings in water use. It also promotes its image as a school that celebrates Arizona's unique landscape and actively seeks to protect it.
Sustainability is often derided as a hobby for the elite. But the truth is, we all become conservationists when our wallets get thin. If it's not OK to throw away money and water during bad times, then why do we celebrate waste when the economy is booming?
When the recession is over, we can choose to march forward with nothing but bad memories. Or we can take with us the ability to make thoughtful choices about the future - ones that will preserve both money and the environment for the next generation of Tucsonans.
It's time to recognize that we live in a dry place, and that it's beautiful.


(:

08:14 pm: Sittin' in the Railway Station Got a Ticket for my Destination...
( So I has some goals for the summer )

I am thinking I am taking a hiatus from LJ kind of maybe. Not a complete one, but it's just that...when I peruse my friendspage, and read about all the exploits of my friends back home, it creates a very clear countdown in my mind. It fuels my impatience. And it's okay to be excited I think; it's natural to want to be home and see everyone. But the insatiable fretting is really starting to get to me; like it feels like half of all conversations I have nowadays is "omg I can't wait to be home I'll see you soon!"

It's distracting. It's taking my focus away from my real life. I really need to focus on enjoying my last couple of weeks here and making the most of them. This year has been a real turning point for me I think, in terms of confidence, perspective, independence...experience. I'm doing myself a disservice for wanting it to be over before it's over!

Plus, I don't know what it is recently, but I have felt somehow incapable of posting comments even on entries where I have something meaningful to contribute. My mind has just been elsewhere. I'm hoping to ease off a bit and return refreshed.

See you all in a bit :]

09:42 pm: >.o
Intellectually, I know this headache can't last forever.

I know that it probably won't kill me, and that even though Tylenol and espresso have not helped the issue, something else will and it'll eventually go away.

But man it's so hard to actually believe that right now. My only saving grace is that I'm not trying to deal with customers anymore. Work + migraine = epic fucking fail.

10:38 pm: Spider
So I was trying to take a 20 minute powernap before tackling my English paper, because I was rather exhausted and couldn't concentrate. I left the light on to ensure that I wouldn't end up konking out, sleeping through my alarm, and waking up to find that it was morning.

And so I was vaguely staring at the wall, trying to induce myself into a moment of sleep, when suddenly OH MY GOD HUGE SILHOUETTE OF AN INSECT CRAWLING ON MY WALL. IN FACT IT IS AS BIG AS THE WALL.

I was significantly creeped out by this that I investigated my light, and all of a sudden, there was a spider dangling a couple of inches from my head. AA. I'm not really super arachnophobic, but I tend to prefer being able to control how close buggers are to me, especially so I can get a good look at them first. In response to the surprise, I freaked briefly and ended up capturing the critter in an old coffee cup and, for lack of better judgment at the time, drowning it. I don't know why it made me so nervous, but I think it's because for the first time, it occurred to me that I didn't have a clue what types of spiders really exist here. I know that there are black widows in Arizona, but they're also all over Maine so I know what those look like--it wasn't one of those. But I now realize I should probably look up all sorts of things about what critters actually are dangerous around here so I actually know which merit concern and how to react...especially since I didn't just sort of grow up knowing it.

After looking at a whole lot of spider pictures I'm still not entirely sure which type mine was, but I think it might have been a jumping spider, which are totally harmless. I feel kind of bad for drowning it now, but at least in the future, I'll know better. I also looked up which spiders are dangerous in Arizona and what they look like. There are only two, one of which is the black widow, and another of which..I think I could identify it. So next time I'll have a better idea whether to freak out or not.

It just surprises me that up until right now, I haven't had reason to realize that wow, I have *no* necessary knowledge about coexisting with nature here. Whoops.

10:01 pm: Beauty's still there
Right now I am sitting here shaking from excessive caffeine. I feel this urge to write write write, but nothing particularly useful.

Today has been gorgeous in its normalcy. A morning of clouds blanketing the landscape. High clouds. No rain. Hundreds of tanned grasshoppers, wings fluttering, crisscrossing to escape mountainous tires looming in approach.

Weather has been incredible. When I got off work, I took a photo of the temperature reader in the SUMC, which read 8.33PM, 4/22, 92F. The photo is too blurry to read, which is a shame since I am still so easily impressed that such numbers are astounding.

Mmm. I saw Cory today. I was cleaning the bagel line and he was at Chick-Fil-A across the way. I waved. He stuck out his tongue. And then he walked over and we talked for 10 minutes before he ran back to join his friends. After two months of not really talking I'd started to think he'd forgotten about me, but no... I have vaguely missed him. But I do not have a crush on him anymore.
We agreed that we have to hang out at some point before I leave. Which, if it happens, will be pretty nice I think.
I also saw Paulino today for the first time in awhile--I am apparently getting a driving lesson from him on Friday. Very mixed feelings about this...on the one hand, I'm excited, and I am happy to be spending time with him, but on the other hand I feel increasingly steadfast in my conviction that I never want a car. And I think that knowing how to drive will only serve to tempt me to get one.

Right now I am putting off writing my English essay. It's the last serious essay of the semester, and this is the real sort of 'deciding' draft where you have to do the most work cause the first draft is basically a brainstorm and the third draft is mostly polishing it off. So this is the one where the ideas are generated.

Focus focus focus. It all seems so far away...

It's not what you think, babe
I'm not that intellectual, babe
Your ideas for me are made of lies
But it's alright, babe
The beauty's still there
And there is more to life than expectations could possibly provide

Stay positive, it's all a state of mind.

02:55 pm: Aaaaa my god I'm done with that ridiculous Global Warming class. I passed in my final paper today, and Jolene and I did our presentation--all I have to do now is show up for attendance grades for the next couple of weeks. Fuck. Yea. So now I officially have only 5 more classes to worry about. Whee it feels so good n__n

The class that I have the most left to do for (discounting studying for finals) is ENGLISH, of all things...which is kind of aggravating. But meh, it's okay. Unless I seriously fuck up these next two weeks, this should be the only English course I ever have to take again :]

The weather outside is so gorgeously lazy. It's like 95 degrees. I love it. I just want to sprawl out in the fevery shade and take a nap.
Then again, any excuse to be lazy as hell, I'll take it...

11:21 pm: Making Flan
I really admire Jolene Green. She exemplifies an adventurous, comfortable spirit and seems to live without regret.

I wish that I could keep a positive attitude and stave off fear of rejection and judgment and awkwardness.

Cause I mean, at this point why should I care what people think?

But I still totally do. And I think my reactions to trying to mitigate judgment just make people judge me differently or see me in ways that distance me from them.

I've been thinking a lot about my interactions with people recently. I've been trying to consciously change the patterns that I find myself falling into subconsciously.

It's clear that people act certain ways because it is truly the most natural response to them. So changing my interactions with people literally implies going out of my comfort zone, defying my natural responses.

But I'm assuming that once you get used to it, it gets easier. It's a mindset change. The only one in the way is me.

Hmm. It's pretty late already, and I still have to write a paper, and preferably do my laundry and wash my dishes. I am not concerned, however. Tonight feels good. It's still hot in my room from the 95 degree afternoon and the steaminess feels nice and calming. I'm in a good mood. Inexplicably. (:

I need an icon that really reflects "happy yet not hyper" :P

09:06 pm: Musical realization <3
So so so today was pretty cool. After work I couldn't bear the thought of going home (or doing research) so I chilled out on University Boulevard for literally hours. I also finally rode the cool refurbished trolley that runs down to 4th on the weekend--the car is apparently a relic from Japan, and the conductor was extremely pleasant. It made me want to go to San Francisco really badly and ride the tram cars there. :)

But anyway, I had the trolley drop me off at 4th and University, and I splurged on coffee and a vegan strawberry pecan bar from Epic Café. And then I walked back down to Main Gate Square. It was so fucking peaceful. I feel like there are few things more satisfying than taking the time to walk somewhere on a beautiful day, and I also am distressed to realize that I don't really walk all that much anymore. I got back to the University strip in an amazing mood.

( omgz musical rambling tl;dr )

07:33 pm: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
Uaaaa omg!!!

It's...weird but, today has been a really amazing day. Why? Well...

1. First off, English was canceled (as I already posted)...so I got to sleep for a whole extra hour! Mmmm, sleep. ^-^!
2. I GOT REASSIGNED TO YAVAPAI. AAAAAAAAAAA. I don't remember if I already explained my self-induced unfortunate dorming situation for next year or not, but basically this is precicely what I have long been rabidly hoping for! OMG I'm so excited YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!
3. I had a good climb today <3 Which may seem kind of mundane but it's really not because this is the first time I've managed to get to the gym in like TWO WEEKS, which is really terrible. :(
4. I got confirmation that my boss from last summer actually wants to hire me back. So while I'm kind of 'oof' over the prospect of spending ANOTHER summer at the Annex, I don't actually mind at all and am completely thrilled that I will have a *job*. I wasn't really sure what to expect, honestly.

So uhm, yeah that's...how everything has been going my way. It kind of fills me with suspicion...like I keep half expecting something truly atrocious to happen to sort of even things out a bit.

But as it is I am SO FULL OF GLEE. So full, in fact, that I don't even mind that I have to wake up at 6AM tomorrow so I can get to the library by 7 to borrow a laptop with a disc drive (unlike mine) so that I can go to my professor's office at 8 and watch a movie and make up the short composition for Spanish that I missed last Friday when I was down at the border. In fact, I am jubilant at the prospect of this...yay for getting caught up with things! ...Man, I'm so tired though. Maybe sleep will happen soon.

I wish everyday were like this :)

09:07 am: Ahhhh..
My English professor canceled class today. That is so incredibly satisfying. Granted, it's more of a pain than it could be, because I have to meet up with some girl before tomorrow so I can get my essay back that she never finished peer reviewing on Tuesday, but eh. It's worth it.

I could totally use this opportunity to go enjoy the morning, get coffee, be productive before my 11AM class... But...

*flops back to bed*

06:46 pm: Srs Business
So, first off, I'm sorry I've flaked out on my flist recently...I'm trying to read at least some, but I'm definitely missing a lot so if anything important is going on that you want me to know about, tell me directly :3

Lots has gone on recently. I went to the Mexico-US border for the first time, and it was actually a really profound experience talking to the people there. We heard from border patrol, humanitarian activists, missionaries, volunteers in a migrant center, among others. It was so weird finally seeing the contrast between the two sides of the wall, and to touch the large metal poles with my own hand. I've read so, so much about this region, about this wall, these cultures, this type of life; it was strange to realize that I'd never actually seen it before with my own eyes. It seemed so incredibly familiar, like I'd known it for so long.

I wrote a long and rambling post about the whole trip, but it was in Spanish (since that's where my brain was at the time) and really really emo. So I decided not to post it, because who needs emo, honestly? I'm quite over it.

But, in other news...I registered for classes. I got into all the classes I wanted except for one: the public transit planning one. It claimed that you need "advanced standing" to sign up for it, which makes no sense to me since I am a junior in the eyes of the credit system. I guess advanced standing must mean being a senior, but that's stupid since they only offer that course like once every few years. Bleh. Oh well, I ended up finding another course that seems interesting:
Water, Environment, and Society. It is apparently about human water use and sustainability concepts for how water should be legislated, and stuff. Honestly, I'm kind of excited; this is a topic that's been interesting me recently, although at the same time I was pretty excited for the public transit planning one, too.

The only thing that annoys me is that it is from 2.00-3.15, which is later than I'd ideally like to have class. The public transit class was from 9.30-10.45. This new schedule gives me no classes until 11 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and since I'll be living on campus, that means I don't really have any excuse to not sign up for morning shifts at work...but that'll be early, and when I factor in my 8.00 Navajo class M/W/F, that = no sleep for me. Uhuhu. Oh well. I just wish I could take it AND the public transit class. ...Magically, at the same time as all the other courses I want to take.

Right now, though, I am preoccupied with my current classes and deeply entangled in end of the semester hell.

( Schedule...for my own use )

In conclusion: I am so, so busy it's kind of terrifying, though it'll mostly be all done by the 20th. That is my shining beacon of hope; it's my goal. If I can do everything that needs to be done by that day, then the rest of the semester will just be a smattering of small, easy, less-than-5-page papers and then finals. Relaxation! I can't remember the last time I felt relaxed about school.

So anyway...no AIM for me until the 20th, unless I actually finish things ahead of time. But I doubt it. Hah! Good luck with the rest of your semester, everybody!

Also, I move out of my apartment on May 16th...which is in a month and 10 days. Holy shit.

09:59 pm: Accomplishment...sort of
So instead of writing my English draft...or doing my energy homework...or doing, well, anything productive really, I was just browsing my old Youtube favorites. I came across this VERY old one--it's the song from El Mariachi. I remember being frustrated way back when, because I couldn't understand it very well. At the moment, however, it's crystal clear. Hurrah for passive listening improvement. Tuning in to Univision may have actually done some good maybe? :D

( Transcription/Translation of an old favorite )

It's been a really long time since I last translated something. I think I have grown rusty at it...and strangely enough, I miss it too.

09:10 pm: Exhaustion like snowfall..
Feh.

I don't know what's been with me lately, but I haven't felt interested in posting. Or doing much of anything else. I am blaming this on physical/hormonal induced bler that has gone on for far too long....body, kindly make up your mind. I do not appreciate vacillation.

In recent news, I actually did go with Paulino and get my AZ driver's permit. I never thought we'd actually end up getting it together, honestly! So, I might actually end up practicing sometime in the near future...very scary. Like...very. But Paulino seems excited, and thus so am I. :)

It occurs to me that what I am experiencing is most definitely a case of burnout. I haven't really had a relaxing break with no classes and no work and no nothing since...well, last summer. Over the winter session, there wasn't even a *day* of leeway between fall and spring semester. And while I will never regret the adventure that spring break turned into, it was far from restful. I need a moment with no projects, no papers, no research--nothing. Or, a single weekend without having to get up for work.

I am staying afloat on the prospect of my mother's fresh pancakes, of walking to Quebrada to start the day; of riding the disgusting, noisy, expensive MBTA to go romping around NEU, BU, and MIT; of walking to Teriyaki House and drinking bubble tea in the rain. Even if I have to work 40 hours a week in the Annex again, the academic respite will be enough. Six more weeks. :)

Also, next Friday is the field trip with my class to Douglas/Aguas Prietas that has been truncated from two days to just one because of all the stupid hype about narcowar in areas that are not even close to A.P.. It is distressing. I am sort of enraged at the media hysteria and blatant racist stereotyping that is happening in *plain sight* right here. Argh.

But that is a rant
for another day.